I fully get it though, the life of a homemaker looks great. No commute, no job pressures, just raising our own offspring. How much pressure can we possibly have? But what people overlook is the fact that it’s not the pressure that gets us. Most of us can hack a dirty diaper and a few hours of uncontrollable toddler screaming. We can deal with the sleep training torture. What we can’t deal with is the incredible loss of identity and ambition that comes with the monotony of diapers/feeding/laundry over and over again ad nauseam. Do we get to see our children grow in front of our very eyes? Witness every smile, fine motor skill and bit of cognitive development occur as it happens?! YES!! And that my friends, is the most incredibly rewarding thing about staying home and putting up with the other nonsense that comes with it.
Why can’t we as a society say we’ve had enough? With all the technological advances and civil rights achievements our generation has seen, the decline of a sane life/work balance has gone out the window. Life expectancies may be climbing up, but that’s not going to last my friends. Not when fathers start having strokes and heart attacks from the stress of their everyday lives. Or when mothers forget they have an education and lose the ambition and drive they once had and stop contributing to society outside of their own homes.
It’s becoming clearer and clearer that our generation is now expected to work until we cannot perform or drop dead trying. We will not have the safety net of social security of previous generations. Hell, we’re not even promised that our pensions or 401K’s will have anything left in them by the time we’re full blown retirees. All work and no rest is not an equation that leaves society peaceful and content. How long until complete and utter civil unrest?
Any woman or man for that matter, who wants to raise their own children should be able to put their job on hold, keep their benefits and take a childhood leave according to the Imaginary & Likely Improbable Childcare Leave Act of 2015. And said job should be a guaranteed right upon return, after the amount of specified leave necessary to create and teach a human being how to walk, talk and function. There also needs to be a lack of judgement placed on mothers and fathers that need to leave work and pick up their children at the end of a day. Why go back from raising small children to work a mediocre job with no hope for advancement because you cannot log the hours that some of your male counterparts or childless peers can? There should be a harassment law against employers who deny advancement to those who have children and don't want to task a nanny with feeding them dinner at night.
How about that for some real change? Why doesn’t our government do things that actually make a difference in our day to day lives? This is not a political rant, this is a sign of the times, generational fuckery rant. There is something very wrong with a culture who celebrates working like a dog and then wonders why children who are left to their own devices or raised by someone who isn’t truly invested in them, commit crimes or drown their sorrows in electronic devices?
Let’s stop blaming guns and the mental health system and look at what's making society ill in the first place. Children need to be raised, whether by a single parent, grandparent, two parent household, loving caregiver or loving pair of civil partners. It’s time to give all of those people the tools to do so. Lonely unsupervised children become unemotionally attached adults, better known as sociopaths. Yes, that’s an inflammatory statement. But it’s the truth. This rant ends here. With the hope that this ignites the spark for a better beginning for American Families. However long it takes, and whatever barriers need to be broken.
Kris, I couldnt agree more!! I knew from a very young age that I wanted to be a SAHM...and thats it! Its what my mom did, and I appreciated having her there for us whenever we came home from school. Dont get me wrong, when we were older, she got a PT job...but she was always there when we came off the school bus. I never had the opporotunity to go to college...then again, I had no desire to, bc I wanted to be a mom. Fast forward to now. I wish I had gotten an education...so I couldve had a career and a good savings before I decided to have children. Then, at least, Id have the option to go back to work, even PT after the kids grew up and started going to school. Id make sure I was home before the bus dropped them off. After I had my first child, I realized that we needed more income. It was a harsh reality that slapped me in the face. I planned to get a PT job at the local Walmart at night re-stocking. I didnt care...money is money. My husband would be home to put my daughter to sleep, and we'd make some extra cash. Fortunately, I did not have to do that. My husband found a better, closer job, so we were saving a lot on gas. Anyway, we were also able to get a decent savings together. My husband now works every Sunday doing hard physical labor on a local farm, just to bring in some extra money. We rent a small 2 bedroom apt. And I honestly can say that I dont think we will ever actually OWN a home of our own. We would both have to literally work our days and nights away...leaving our children in the care of someone. I dont believe in that. I was a nanny, I saw first-hand how children become attached tothe caregiver, and how hard it was for the mom to be away from them for most of her day. I'd rather be a low-income, struggling family and be there for my children, then make good money and never be there. Some may not agree, but that is just how I feel about it. Oh, and my husband had a nice 401k at his previous job...but the company kept taking from it. The company was essentially going downhill, and my husband took no chances. He pulled it out, and it helped us tremendously. A few months later, he was laid off, and the company is no longer. Im glad he did it. Another thing Id like to mention is the COST of childcare. Some people are better off staying home, bc the cost of childcare totals their paychecks! Its a tough balance...this blog is definitely an eye-opener.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the honest reply Crystal. I admire you and so many other moms so much for the sacrifices we make for our families. Our children will appreciate what we do to better their lives. I love staying home with grant, as do many of my SAHM friends, but it can be isolating with the increasing pressure on our husbands at work. And many of us would love to have an identity outside of the home, but the system is set up to fail. I would get home past 8pm every night when I worked in the city. That's not reasonable with a little one at home. You are doing the best you can do for your family and that is what matters in the grand scheme of things.
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